


Feather

by I_hate_mages_No_you_dont



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Fenders, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:59:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9662357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_hate_mages_No_you_dont/pseuds/I_hate_mages_No_you_dont
Summary: Songfic for @damnedapostate based on “Feather” by Meg Myers (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBN-0azz3X4)Years after the circle and Kirkwall, Anders thinks back on his past.(by kittenmage)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ethydium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethydium/gifts).



There had been days where Anders wanted to fly away. Just turn himself into a bird and jump out of the circle window to escape.

He had spent hours staring at the sky. Observing the few birds that were brave enough to nest in the old walls where magic settled so deeply in the stones, they were almost humming their own song at times.

More than once, Anders had been caught by a Templar at doing nothing. They found it suspicious enough when the mage with the highest escape rate of Kinloch stood motionless, staring out of the window. Depending on who would find Anders, he only got a questioning eyebrow and was sent away or the Templar told him off with roaring laughter that if he would jump, he wouldn’t soar higher no matter how much he flailed with his arms. One time, some Templar had actually opened the window, which was forbidden to any mage, and pushed Anders’ upper body outside, holding him only by the fray collar of his robes. “Is that what you’re longing for? Fresh air?”

For a tantalizing moment, Anders had thought he would fall. That he would escape the only way that was final. Like so many mages before him.

When the Templar let go off him, Anders fell down onto the floor, shaking. His head still fixed on the image of the great big nothing underneath him and his wish to fly away. Although Anders had sworn to himself, that he wouldn’t take this escape route. That there still was hope. It would get better. He had Karl. He didn’t need to flee anywhere. Not without Karl at least.

The memory of this time tasted bitter on his tongue. Not the time with Karl, but the time that followed after. When Karl had been taken away, Anders had resumed staring at the sky again. Flinching at every pair of eyes that was directed at him. He froze for a moment, had to assess if it was a Templar or just another mage. At one point people kept coaxing him away from the windows. His few friends in the circle might have thought he wanted to fly into freedom that way. They were mistaken, but Anders never corrected them. Instead he made sure to rise before everyone did. Took his seat next to the dormitory window and watched the sun rise and the birds swirl in daring manoeuvres in and out of sight. Anders loved these moments of peace. When the light was still young and the song of the birds echoed through the thin glass, he almost felt as if he was outside. No watchful eyes, no guards at the door, no one to disturb him. Just his feathery friends and him.

But all this was far behind him now. No silent hours watching birds from tower windows. No Templars inspecting his every move. No more bird in a cage. Anders was free. Although hunted by Templars and Chantry alike.

But he was as free as he had never dared to dream of. Sitting in the sun on some lonely coast line, his hair and feather pauldrons ruffled by the strong breeze, he felt like flying again. Higher and higher he would rise. Even broken wings wouldn’t stop him in this moment. Oh, how often people had tried to break him. How many times Anders had sneaked into the Chantry, praying on his knees for support. For help. For understanding for the mages. There had never been an answer from above, except the one he himself gave to the world.

No more compromise. No more caged bird. Nothing would stop him from flying now.

He looked around and met Fenris’ gaze. No longer an undefinable glare full of emotions Anders couldn’t detangle. There was no enmity any more. Just that sound, unwavering feeling of trust. And love. Fenris grounded Anders. Fenris was the person he would always come back to no matter how high he rose into the sky.

In his first weeks in Kirkwall, Anders had thought it to be Hawke. In a ridiculous notion, he had fallen for his friend, bearing the name of a bird. Yet it took Anders years to realize that another bird wouldn’t lift him up into the air with them. That in fact they both were more a hindrance to each other in finding true freedom, no matter how much they both wanted the other. Flirtations turned into friendship and Anders’ gaze had shifted towards nothing in particular. He had resigned himself to being alone, watching Hawke and Isabela, seeing how playfulness turned into steadiness.

But then there was Fenris. The mage’s heated arguments met the elf’s cold replies. Snarling and hissing back and forth.

So it came as a surprise when it was not Hawke, not even Varric or Isabela that found Anders one night, when the room seemed to close in around him. When the darkness was too dark, the silence too deep and Anders wanted to take a final flight and flee from everything. It was Fenris whose hesitant hand had landed on his shoulder. Fenris whose calm presence had soothed Anders’ tears. It was Fenris who through patience and understanding mended Anders’ internal scars. 

There were no more broken wings.

Instead of the hate and shame that had filled Anders’ perception of himself, he found himself seeing him with Fenris’ eyes. And what he saw surprised them both.

Kindness. Endurance. Generosity. Compassion,

Over time and many shared words there grew love out of that first unexpected bond. A love that hadn’t stopped growing since. And instead of tying him down, it made Anders feel even more free. Every step they took together led to a future that was theirs. Not prearranged by some Templar or unscripted law to bind mages towards the Chantry. Not even some long rotten Tevinter magister could reach them now.

Fenris was free. And Anders as well.

Anders felt the featherlike touch of Fenris’ hand sliding over his. He felt the brush of fingers. The gentle caress of a thumb as Fenris moved and interlaced their hands. And it felt as if another chain fell from Anders’ heart. He returned Fenris’ soft smile and both watched the sun. The reflections on the ocean. The clouds hurrying past them. The birds flying above them. Higher and higher.

They were free.


End file.
